THE MOST F---ED UP MOVIE EVER MADE

(posted by Payman)

Here at Farinelli's, we like good movies. We also really like to laugh. That being said, the movie that this blog is about is neither good nor funny. It's just fucked up. In fact, it's the most fucked up movie ever made. The movie I am talking about is none other than the 1989 abomination, Weekend at Bernie's.

There's nothing good about this movie.

Let me preface this entire blog entry by saying that I have never actually seen Weekend at Bernie's, nor do I have any intention to ever see it. I already know enough about this movie to crown it as the single most fucked up piece of cinema ever created. People who know me know that I have a habit of judging movies before I see them. I named Inception the greatest movie ever made before seeing it because the Facebook statuses it inspired were absolutely ravishing, but that's neither here nor there.

If you haven't seen the movie, good for you, but check out the trailer to get an idea of what this movie is all about:

In conclusion: two idiots go to the beach, their dead boss washes ashore, and rather than alert the police or, I don't know, the guy's fucking family, they decide to parade his dead corpse around town. Not only that, but they feel some obligation to take the rotting body to swanky social events, like pool parties, and wine mixers. The premise is almost as disturbing as the music in the trailer. 

To illustrate how fucked up this movie is, I'll point out some especially disconcerting parts of the trailer by where they occur (time-wise) in the video clip above. To go directly to that part, simply click the time before my awesome commentary:

0:59 - 

THE MOST F---ED UP MOVIE EVER MADE

(posted by Payman)

Here at Farinelli's, we like good movies. We also really like to laugh. That being said, the movie that this blog is about is neither good nor funny. It's just fucked up. In fact, it's the most fucked up movie ever made. The movie I am talking about is none other than the 1989 abomination, Weekend at Bernie's.

There's nothing good about this movie.

Let me preface this entire blog entry by saying that I have never actually seen Weekend at Bernie's, nor do I have any intention to ever see it. I already know enough about this movie to crown it as the single most fucked up piece of cinema ever created. People who know me know that I have a habit of judging movies before I see them. I named Inception the greatest movie ever made before seeing it because the Facebook statuses it inspired were absolutely ravishing, but that's neither here nor there.

If you haven't seen the movie, good for you, but check out the trailer to get an idea of what this movie is all about:

In conclusion: two idiots go to the beach, their dead boss washes ashore, and rather than alert the police or, I don't know, the guy's fucking family, they decide to parade his dead corpse around town. Not only that, but they feel some obligation to take the rotting body to swanky social events, like pool parties, and wine mixers. The premise is almost as disturbing as the music in the trailer. 

To illustrate how fucked up this movie is, I'll point out some especially disconcerting parts of the trailer by where they occur (time-wise) in the video clip above:

"SEX, DRUGS, AND NECK TIES"

(posted by Payman)

Neck ties: the new brass knuckles.

GQ.com: The New Rules of Neckties...

(Click here to read the article)

According to GQ.com, neck ties are the newest way to stick it to the man. That's right, the symbol once synonymous with the corporate grind is now the best way to tell your boss to go fuck himself. Who would've guessed it? Well, Scott Sternberg for one. Sternberg, creator of Band of Outsiders, is one of the designers who is given credit for ushering in the era of the skinny tie, and who of us can say they haven't ever wanted/purchased a skinny repp tie by Band?

"The way people dress is cyclical. The marks of rebellion and conformity flip-flop back and forth. For a long time, rebellion was a T-shirt and a trucker hat. Then, suddenly, that mess became conformity, and dressing up is now a way to differentiate yourself." - Scott Sternberg

That Scott Sternberg certainly has a way with words.

As mentioned in the article, you have to differentiate your tie from the 6" wide monstrosity that your sartorially-challenged coworkers wear to the office. You can achieve this through a number of ways, including:

- Keeping the tie on the slim side (a must, and easy to do--just have a tailor alter the wide ties you already have)

- Wearing a brightly colored tie

- Pairing the tie with a casual piece (i.e. a denim jacket like the photo above)

or

- Wearing the tie in a unique way

Here's a great picture of an especially stylish guy making use of that last point:

Daaaaamn homie! I don't want to toot my own horn, but that is a pretty sick way to wear a tie (feel free to imitate). When in doubt, if you want to look awesome while wearing a tie, just pair any tie with white jeans and you've probably got a winner. And while we're on the topic, enjoy the last week of white pants season!

Everyone make sure you check out the article above on GQ.com and have fun mixing neck ties into your future outfits!

COMMON PROJECTS DRESS SHOES

(posted by Payman)

While this blog mostly focuses on Farinelli's (and more recently, Wolf vs. Goat), that's not to say we don't like talking about other fashion labels, and today, we want to share Common Projects' latest dress shoe collection with you...

Common Projects Dress Shoes on StreetThing.com

(Click to read)

Wow. You have to give it to Common Projects for consistently putting out at least one shoe each season that you have to have. 

The next time someone tells you you can't mix brown with black, slap them across the face with a pair of the saddle shoes above. Seriously, who makes up bullshit rules like "you can't wear navy blue and black." Shut up, guy. Listen, people, I am going to give you some advice: wear whatever the hell you want, just wear it well. Those kicks above are proof that fashion rules were made to be broken.

Make sure you click the link above and check out a couple other pairs in the preview. 

MOVIES THAT ARE SO BAD, THEY'RE GOOD

(posted by Payman)

Everyone has seen a movie in the past that is so shitty, you leave the movie theater thinking "wow, I have to tell my friends to watch this so we can discuss how bad it was." If you have ever thought that, you probably just got out of a Nicolas Cage movie. Side note: Nic Cage: STOP IT.

CLICK HERE TO READ YAHOO! MOVIES' ARTICLE ON MOVIES THAT ARE SO BAD THEY'RE GOOD

To celebrate this list, I thought I would share two movie clips from two movies on the list above. The first is The Room:

The Room (2004)

While this may be a cult classic, this is probably the worst movie ever made. Nothing really makes sense in this movie, and you can totally tell that Tommy Wisseau wrote and directed and also starred in it because the whole movie does nothing but glorify his character. I mean, it seriously feels like half the scenes in this movie are there only to make his character seem like a great guy. It's very pompous. Did I mention that nothing in it makes sense and he speaks with a ridiculous accent and is the worst actor ever? Check it out:

Wow.

That was pretty awful, but if you want pure shit, check out Nicolas Cage in pretty much anything. 

The Wicker Man (2006)

Let's take a look at the best scenes from The Wicker Man:

Yikes.

Allow me to give you a highlight reel of that clip in case it doesn't work on your computer:

0:07 - Nicolas Cage points a gun at a girl and forces her to give him her bike. 

0:18 - Nicolas Cage rides off on aforementioned bike like an asshole.

0:24 - Nicolas Cage is demanding with a girl.

0:37 - Nicolas Cage punches the shit out of a girl.

0:43 - Nicolas Cage karate kicks a girl into a wall of picture frames.

0:52 - Nicolas Cage ruins some little girls' party

1:12 - Nicolas Cage dresses up in a bear costume and somehow seems like less of an asshole.

1:22 - Nicolas Cage punches the shit out of a girl, again, this time whilst wearing a bear costume.

1:32 - Nicolas Cage shows us what the worst acting since The Room looks like.

1:45 - Nicolas Cage continues sucking at acting.

As you can see, it is clear that no matter what anyone does, Nicolas Cage is the worst thing to happen to cinema since the $15 movie ticket. Also, why does he abuse so many women in that movie? 

Celebrate this weekend by watching one of these awesomely shitty movies. Maybe they're not good, but they certainly are funny. If nothing else, you can become inspired, because if Nicolas Cage can become a millionaire, who's to say that you can't? 

MOVE TO SCANDINAVIA

(posted by Payman)

A year ago, my coworkers and I read an article that deemed Washington D.C. the city with the second ugliest people in America. #1 was Pittsburgh, and #2 was Philadelphia. Naturally, D.C. was sandwiched in between a cheesesteak of Pennsylvania ugly. In that same survey, San Diego was rated the city with the most beautiful looking people.

Wherever you live, I doubt the people (especially the women) aren't as amazing and as stylish as they are in Scandinavia...

GQ.com: The Wandering Eye: Hello Scandinavia!

Click here to see all the photos by Gordon von Steiner

Go ahead and do yourself a favor and click that link above.

Both the men and the women know what's up when it comes to looking good in Scandinavia, and Gordon von Steiner's pictures on GQ.com are evidence of that fact. I'm not sure why it is that Scandinavia is so stylish, but it's really doing it for me. Maybe it's the fact that the cold weather 11 out of 12 months of the year forces everyone to look especially good in summer, or maybe it's the socialism. I'm not really sure, but I appreciate their style. How about you?

GET YOUR ROLL ON (AGAIN)

Listen, you don't pay an extra one-hundred dollars for a pair of selvedge jeans unless you are going to roll them up at the bottom to show off the selvedge edge. It's like wearing eighty dollar underwear. Sure, you're a baller, but I'm never going to know until I get awkwardly close to you, so do us all a favor: keep your pants on and get your roll on.

Valet Mag - School of Denim: Cuff Code

You have to hand it to the boys over at Valet Mag for consistently writing very educational articles. The guide is complete with sketches and explanations of when each roll is most appropriate (all are appropriate if you are preparing for an impending flash flood). 

Getting your roll on isn't saved exclusively for your pants, either. If you start rolling your jeans and you get so excited you never want the rollery to stop, click on over to our blog post from a couple weeks ago discussing the merits of rolling up the sleeves on your shirt:

Click here to read our blog post on rolling up your sleeves!

IT WAS A DATE

(posted by Payman)

It's happened to everyone. You're in the middle of doing something at work or at home and a friend sends you a link to a YouTube video demanding you watch it. You agree. Then you hit play and notice that the video is eight effing minutes long. Eight minutes-that's way too much time to pay attention to any one thing. It's almost 2011, and the internet has embedded us all with attention spans lasting no longer than a Geico commercial. It's really a miracle that you're still reading this paragraph.

Either way, when I tell you to spend eight minutes of your day watching this short film, you give me eight minutes and thank me after...

C'etait un Rendez-Vous (It Was a Date) by Claude Lelouch

Claude Lelouch created C'etait un Rendez-Vous in 1976 by mounting a camera on the front of his car (there are debates on whether it was a Mercedes or a Ferrari) and driving fast as shit through the streets of Paris at 5:30 AM (the hour when there are the least amount of people to run over). Red lights? Mere suggestions for Monsieur Lelouch. The finished product is a lesson in awesome. Naturally, after eight minutes of driving through the city, the driver arrives at his destination: his gal. What could be more urgent than a woman? Well, to be honest, lots of things, but if he drove like that for eight minutes through Paris because he was late for his job as an accountant, I doubt I'd be blogging about it today...

Hopefully, you all watch the entire film and hopefully you learn something about what it takes to be a badass. Side note: while we don't condone driving recklessly, I may or may not have done the same thing Lelouch did, except in my red 1996 Honda Civic EX (respect the EX):

The Red Dragon

RESTAURANT REVIEW: THE MEATBALL SHOP

(posted by Payman)

If you looked at the title of this blog post and if you've ever read this blog before, you know that today's update is going to be chock full of immature low-brow humor. I hope you're excited as I am...

The Meatball Shop

84 Stanton St. (Lower East Side)

New York, NY 

I've been looking forward to writing about The Meatball Shop for a while now. For one, I am going to make something like seventy-five ball jokes throughout the course of this blog post. For two, there are very few things in life that will make a heterosexual guy say, "sir, I really love your balls," (that's one, for those of you that are counting) and if I ever meet the owners of this fine establishment, I will be paying them just such a compliment.

If you ever find yourself anywhere in New York City, you need to run to 84 Stanton St. and put these balls in your mouth, that is, if you are willing to deal with the wait. It's usually pretty crowded, and rightfully so. If you're like me and you think lines are for peasants (I don't go anywhere unless we have a reservation) you can always get your food to go. Just call in and the whole menu (except the sliders for some reason) is available for your meatballing pleasure. 

<3 Balls

The Meatball Shop has several different kinds of balls, from beef to vegetable, to everything inbetween. They also have a number of different sauces you can get on each ball, creating a seemingly infinite number of combinations. If you're like me and making a small decision like what kind of balls you'd like terrifies you, let me make it easy for you: you want the Meatball Smash (two balls on a hamburger bun with your choice of sauce and cheese and an arugula side salad). Some people opt for the Meatball Hero, which consists of three balls on an il forno baguette, but three balls just seems like one too many...

So much meatballery!

I like to go with the spicy pork and classic tomato sauce or chicken with parmesan cream sauce, but whatever you get, there are no bad combinations. The best part about the Smash is that it's only $8. $8 for two balls and a salad! That usually runs you at least $50 on the streets, and there's no salad at all.

On that note, I am going to conclude this review of The Meatball Shop, because I am starting to feel more and more like a five year old after each line. If you're in the area, definitely swing by and check the place out, even if you have to get carry out. I promise you, you won't regret it, unless of course, you are an idiot.

COMING SOON: WOLF VS. GOAT BASIC T-SHIRTS

(posted by Payman)

Our mantra at Farinelli's has always been "invest in the basics." You should always make sure you spend whatever you have to in order to get the highest quality basics in your wardrobe. Whether it's a basic oxford or a custom suit that fits you perfectly, you're going to want to wear your basics for a long time, so they should be built to last, and it doesn't get more basic than a basic cotton t-shirt. With that, we're excited to announce that Wolf vs. Goat basic t-shirts will be available on ShopFarinellis.com in the next few weeks!

The other day we posted a sneak peek at Wolf vs. Goat's Spring '11 collection as modeled by some DC United players. Those of you who are able to spot the subtle things may have noticed Julius James' t-shirt in this photo:

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Lookbook

Model: Julius James of DC United

Photo: Luis and Kat Aragon

Look at that smile. The only way a person can be that happy is if they are wearing the perfect t-shirt by Wolf vs. Goat. That, or eating macaroni n' cheese. God, mac n' cheese is good, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, Julius is pretty excited about that t-shirt, and who can blame him? Look at the impeccable fit. Would you expect anything else from Wolf vs. Goat? I wouldn't.

Keep an eye on the blog to be the first to know when the new Wolf vs. Goat t-shirts are up on ShopFarinellis.com. In the meantime, check out the remaining stock from our older items online:

CLICK HERE TO SHOP THE ENTIRE WOLF VS. GOAT COLLECTION ONLINE

E-MAIL MAINTENANCE!

Bare with us, friends, we are doing some maintenance on our e-mail account, and we apologize if you have been experiencing some difficulties!

If you are going to try contacting us via e-mail, please note that the info@shopfarinellis.com address may be down for as long as a week, so please use the following address:

SHOPFARINELLIS@GMAIL.COM

One more time: do not e-mail us at info@shopfarinellis.com, we will not get your e-mail and you will likely get upset. E-mail us at the giant address in all caps above.

Thank you for your patience and apologies for the inconvenience!

WOLF VS. GOAT SPRING '11 SNEAK PEEK

(posted by Payman)

If you're from DC, you may or may not know that the greatest sports football franchise in the District is DC United. Say what you will about the Redskins winning a Super Bowl when Joe Gibbs was young (and I am fully aware that the Skins fans who read this blog will, because we know how much you treasure what your team did a thousand years ago), but United's list of accomplishments doesn't lie: founded in 1995, and since then, they've won four titles and been a runner-up one year. That's a dynasty, bitch.

More important than the number of titles a group of athletes has won is how many times they have modeled for a Wolf vs. Goat lookbook. DC United: 1, everyone else: 0 (or nil as they say in soccer).

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Lookbook

Models: Adam Cristman (left) and Jordan Graye (right) of DC United

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Lookbook

Model: Julius James of DC United

You can thank Luis and Kat Aragon (check them out on Facebook), the amazing husband and wife photography and make-up duo, for the sneak peek at the pictures from the DC United shoot we blogged about a couple of weeks ago.

If you're keeping track of all of the Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 previews, you have probably noticed that we have one piece bathing suits as well as sweatpants... We've literally got you covered for any situation that arises, and we can't wait to show you the rest of the collection. Keep reading the blog for updates!

A very special thanks again to Luis and Kat Aragon, all the guys from DC United, and everyone else that helped with the photo shoot! We can't wait to reveal the finished lookbook! 

COMING SOON: WOLF VS. GOAT @ UNCLE OTIS

Canada: I am not ready to forgive you for Nickelback... Or Avril Lavigne, but especially not Nickelback, but Wolf vs. Goat at Toronto-based Uncle Otis is definitely helping...

Uncle Otis

26 Bellair Street

Toronto, ON

M5R 2C7

Canada

uncleotis.com

We're excited to announce that a big shipment of Wolf vs. Goat goodies is en route to Canada now! If you are reading this from up north, you should promptly head over to Uncle Otis and thank them for bringing WvG north of the border for the first time ever. They truly are pioneers. This is equivalent to the first Americans to bring maple syrup down south. Did Canadians really invent maple syrup? Who knows, but either way, our pancakes will never be the same.

Stop by Uncle Otis on Bellair St. to see everything from the Wolf vs. Goat Dandy Work Pants to the much hyped Plum oxford:

Wolf vs. Goat Before Dinner Oxford in Vintage Washed Plum

$175

It will take years to repair the damage that Nickelback did to Canada's reputation, but Uncle Otis just took a huge leap in the right direction. 

WOLF VS. GOAT NOW AVAILABLE @ REDEEM

You know we had to show our hometown some love! Accordingly, Wolf vs. Goat shirting is now available at Redeem in Washington D.C.!

Redeem

1734 14th St. NW

Washington, DC 

Stop by the shop on 14th St. to check out all of the new Wolf vs. Goat threads they have in stock, including this spinach green number:

Wolf vs. Goat Before Dinner Oxford in Vintage Washed Spinach

$175

Every time I look at that picture above, I question our decision to photograph that shirt against a green wall. It looks like urban camouflage, but I've been reading that camouflage is making a comeback, so I guess we are just ahead of the curve...

WOLF VS. GOAT NOW AVAILABLE @ BROOKLYN DENIM CO.

We are excited to announce that the second boutique to carry the new Wolf vs. Goat shirts is Brooklyn Denim Co. in New York!

Brooklyn Denim Co.

85 N. Third St. #101 

Brooklyn, NY

718-782-2600

Everyone expected Wolf vs. Goat to be in New York, but we're especially excited to be in a great shop like Brooklyn Denim Co. located in the heart of Williamsburg. If you are in the neighborhood, make sure to swing by and check out all the Wolf vs. Goat shirts they are carrying, including the Before Dinner Oxford in Ripe Blueberry:

Wolf vs. Goat Before Dinner Oxford in Vintage Washed Ripe Blueberry

$175

Ripe for the purchasing!

NEW WOLF VS. GOAT BUTTONDOWNS NOW AVAILABLE @ UNCLE PETE'S

(posted by Payman)

Back in April, I did an interview with Peter Tam, owner of one of Boston's best men's boutiques, Uncle Pete's. The final question of the interview was "what's next for Uncle Pete's?" and his answer was: "call in three months to see if we're still here." It's been almost four months now, and I'm happy to say that not only is Uncle Pete's still around, but they just got a shipment of the latest Wolf vs. Goat shirts!

Click the image above to read our interview with Uncle Pete's owner, Peter Tam

Uncle Pete's is located at 125 Charles St. in Boston, so if you are in the area you should definitely get out there to see the buttondowns in person and try them on (unless you've already purchased one, in which case, we love you). We're really excited for them to be carrying our gear for the second season now, and we know you Bostonians are going to like what they have to offer, including the Before Dinner Oxford in Candy Apple Red:

Wolf vs. Goat Before Dinner Oxford in Vintage Washed Candy Apple Red

$175

That shirt is begging to be worn to a Red Sox game, and it beats the hell out of looking like a chump in an oversized jersey...

Uncle Pete's

125 Charles St.

Boston, MA 02114

(617) 391-0895

http://www.unclepetesshop.com

WOLF VS. GOAT: COMING SOON TO A STORE NEAR YOU

For those of you who have been fiend-ing to see Wolf vs. Goat shirts in person and try them on before you pick some up, you are about to get your chance...

We are excited to announce that Wolf vs. Goat will be available at a select few of our favorite men's boutiques in North America (get excited, Canada...). Unfortunately, no longer having a brick-and-mortar location for Farinelli's makes it difficult to get a real appreciation for the quality and fit of Wolf vs. Goat products. Now that we are going to be in a handful of local stores, we hope a lot of you will stop by, try them on (beats trying to figure out sizing online, right?), and hopefully pick up a few shirts!

We'll be revealing the stores in the coming days and weeks, so keep checking our blog regularly for more info!

DC UNITED MODELS WOLF VS. GOAT (PART 2)

For those who don't have Twitter (it's 2010, by the way) and missed all the TwitPics from the DC United x Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 lookbook photo shoot, here are a couple of our personal favorites:

Thanks to everyone who helped out with the Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 lookbook and a special thank you to all of the guys from DC United! Make sure you support them by going to one of their home games this season!

DC UNITED MODELS WOLF VS. GOAT

If you're into soccer and fashion, we have some exciting news for you...

All of your favorite DC United players are helping us with the Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 lookbook! Pictures will be coming soon, but if you are interested in a sneak peek at the forthcoming Wolf vs. Goat collection, or if you're just interested in seeing DC United players in one piece bathing suits standing around on rooftops, click the link below, and don't forget to follow us!

CLICK HERE AND FOLLOW US (@SHOPFARINELLI) ON TWITTER!

CUT-OFFS

(posted by Payman)

Continuing on the other day's theme of it being too hot for anyone's good, today we'll be discussing cut-offs. Nothing says more about you than a pair of homemade cut-offs (tip: go extra short if you want to let people know how risky you are).

Cut-offs waiting to happen...

Wolf vs. Goat Chino in Steak Tartare

$185

From the moment I saw the Wolf vs. Goat chinos, I've been wanting to cut them up (in the good way) and turn them into cut-off shorts. The fabric is a great weight and the slightly lower rise is ideal for making the perfect pair of summer shorts. It's not just the Wolf vs. Goat chinos that I'm tearing up either. The sweltering bayou-esque heat I'm dealing with day in and day out in the District has driven me to abandon the lower half of all my pants, like Michael Scott trying to survive in the wilderness of Scranton, PA:

Feel free to be utilitarian about it and fashion the remaining fabric into a heat-fighting headband, as well.

Besides being practical, cut-offs are an excellent source of conversation. Here's an example of a conversation that might go down at a social event with someone you are trying to take home (and who are we kidding, the only reason we wear cool clothes at all is so people will sleep with us):

Person you are trying to sleep with: "Great shorts, who are they by?"

You (whilst wearing cut-offs you made yourself): "I made them myself, actually."

Person you are trying to sleep with: "Really?"

Notice how the person you are trying to impress is now speaking in italics. That means you're in.

So there you have it. More than enough reason to break out the scissors and start making some homemade shorts you can rock for the rest of the summer season. I'm sure people are thinking "but Payman, I like my Wolf vs. Goat chinos [we don't blame you], what will I do when the weather takes a turn for the frigid?" Two words: duct tape. Or you could always buy another pair... Just sayin'... 

JASON SCHWARTZMAN IS COOLER THAN YOU

(posted by Payman)

Jason Schwartzman has done it all. He's gone toe-to-toe with Bill Murray for the love of a woman (Rushmore), studied existentialism (I Heart Huckabees), spent some time as a fox (Fantastic Mr. Fox), and in his latest act, he's turning into a style icon...

Schwartzman modeling Band of Outsiders' lookbook a couple seasons ago was the first time I really started to notice how stylish the guy was. He pulls off the schoolboy look almost perfectly (which is probably why Scott Sternberg went to him for his lookbook).

 

Not only is Schwartzman fashionable, he's also a badass. Don't believe me? Look at that picture above. He can't use an iPod. Why? Because the iPod is not loud enough, and it doesn't let everyone else know that you're listening to Peter Sarstedt's "Where Do You Go to My Lovely?" And it's not just three piece suits that he pulls off, he also wears a mustache pretty well:

Icon. Who else can command a mustache that well? How do you even grow one of those? The average person grows a mustache like that and gets mistaken for a sex offender, Schwartzman does it and gets a spread in GQ.

Everyone take a moment today to appreciate Jason Schwartzman!

SWIMSUITS

(posted by Payman)

We're in the middle of the dog days of summer. That means we're topping 90 degrees every day and I find myself pouring more drinks on my head than down my throat. And no, there's really no elegant way of writing "down my throat" in a sentence. Naturally, you're going to want to start hitting up the swimming pool on the reg., and unless your community pool has a nudist section (I have unofficially created one at mine), you're going to need a swimsuit...


You don't want to get caught wearing a lame ass pair of extra long board shorts, this season. Why? Because you are not in high school, and you're probably not doing any kind of boarding at the swimming pool (apologies if you are in high school and/or you somehow plan on doing some wake, surf, or waterboarding at your local swimming pool).

What exactly am I talking about when I say "lame ass pair of board shorts?" A quick Google images search for "douchey board shorts" provides an excellent example:

Announce your presence like a fog horn at the beach this summer with Ed Hardy's swimwear line.

Look at the model's face. It looks like they tricked him into wearing that thing and he can't hide how ashamed he is.

You're way too fashionable for long/ugly swimwear, so look for something different. We recommend something a little bit shorter. This recommendation will probably be greeted by a chorus of guys saying "well I don't want my balls hanging out, bro!" Let me address those concerns now: 1) your balls aren't that big, 2) if they are that big, you should let people know. This is America. That's what we do.

With that, here are some swimsuit recommendations:

American Apparel Polyester Micro-Fiber Board Short

$36

American Apparel: basic, cheap, and the perfect fit-what more could you ask for?

Katin x Apolis Activism Swim Trunks

katinusa.com

While I'm not sure if you can find the Katin x Apolis collaboration swim trunks anymore, Katin is one of the best companies in the swimwear game. Again, the board shorts are long, but not so long that you look like you bought your trunks from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's yard sale.

Wolf vs. Goat One-Piece Bathing Suit

(Not out yet)

You knew it was coming! If you missed last week's blog post about the Thrillist Pool Party we went to, click HERE to read it. If you can wait until next Spring, Wolf vs. Goat is planning to release swimwear of its own, including the one-piece bathing suit Mauro wore to the aforementioned pool party.

Good luck sweating out the last few weeks of summer!