WHAT TO DO TONIGHT: WALK OF SHAME @ THE HARD ROCK

Let's be honest, you really don't have anything worth doing tonight. Lucky for you, we are always willing to help out, and this evening, The Hard Rock is the move. Why? Because our good friend Jeff's band, Walk of Shame, is performing!

The Surreal McCoys at The Hard Rock

with special guests, Walk of Shame

999 E. St. NW

Washington, DC

9/30/10

$12

You can click the massive concert flyer above to purchase tickets to the show, and you will want to, because it's going to be a barnburner, with The Surrel McCoys kicking off their east coast tour for 2010 in The District.

Make sure you arrive early and catch Jeff's band, Walk of Shame. They're DC's premier cover band, playing everything from Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" to Lit's classic, "My Own Worst Enemy." If those songs don't take you back to better times, then you have either hit some kind of jackpot recently, or you're an asshole, or some combination of the two. 

Check out Walk of Shame's website at walkofshamedc.com and support our friends! Look, we wouldn't ask you to do it unless we knew it was awesome... 

MEN OF THE CLOTH

(posted by Payman)

With the recent releases of The American and Wall Street 2, it seems like this is the season of movies that feature great leading men. Keeping with that theme, we want to share a film project we recently stumbled on with you-Men of the Cloth.

Men of the Cloth

a film by Vicki Vasilopoulos

Click here to visit the official website

The film, a work in progress, by Vicki Vasilopoulos, follows three Italian master tailors who are working to keep their dying craft alive. It's amazing stuff for anyone into quality fashion and bespoke tailoring. Check out the ten minute trailer below:

On the website, the director talks about the tailors struggles to stay alive as the world turns more and more towards mass production and "fast fashion." This is the same mindset that we have at Wolf vs. Goat with our custom suiting program. Besides the fact that a bespoke suit looks better than any suit you'll buy off a rack, it's also preserving an art form that is becoming lost in today's fashion scene.

Check out the trailer above and support the film! Then, support us, and support yourself by investing in a custom made Wolf vs. Goat suit! E-mail us at info@shopfarinellis.com for more info!

FASHION SHOW PHOTOS

If you weren't able to make it this past Thursday, the first photographs from the Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 fashion show are starting to make their way online!

The first ones online come courtesy of DC United's Facebook page. Click on the image below to check them out:

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Fashion Show

Photos from DC United's Facebook Page

Thanks again to the DC United guys for coming out and modeling our Spring '11 collection. We can't say enough how grateful we are and the feedback from the show has been absolutely amazing.

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Fashion Show

Click the image above and enjoy the pics courtesy of DC United! Also, please let us know if you were at the event and took pictures of your own (we'd love to throw them up on our blog!).

TO THOSE WHO MISSED THE FASHION SHOW...

We wanted to take a moment to apology and address any issues some people had getting into the venue this past Thursday for the Wolf vs. Goat fashion show...

Those at the event know that it filled up very quickly, and due to some people getting in who weren't supposed to be there, and seating constraints that were out of control, we were unable to let some people in to the show.

If you are one of these people, we want to sincerely apologize for the huge inconvenience this must have been. We wish things played out differently, and we are very sorry. If you are a member of the media and wish to speak to Mauro directly in regards to the line, please e-mail us at shopfarinellis@gmail.com and we will gladly do our best to meet you in person.

Apologies again, and thanks to everyone who made it out and supported the collection. We truly were taken back by the outpouring of support from the DC area, and we can't say enough how grateful we are, and how excited we are for our next show!

THANK YOU

Thank you to everyone who was out last night supporting Wolf vs. Goat at the Spring '11 fashion show! We really can't say it enough...

A special thanks to the guys from DC United for modeling our threads and Tabaq Bistro for letting us throw a party at their house. Finally, a big shout to our sponsors, The Madly leather bags and Ultimat Vodka. Please visit them at themadly.com and ultimatvodka.com and return the love, we certainly will.

Now that the show is over it's time to gear up for the official launch of the Spring '11 collection. Keep reading the blog for more info on the drop!

P.S. - If you took pictures from the event last night, please shoot them our way at shopfarinellis@gmail.com!

TONIGHT: WOLF VS. GOAT SPRING '11 FASHION

Last reminder for those of you who have RSVPed--tonight is the Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 fashion show at Tabaq Bistro presented by The Madly leather bags and Ultimat Vodka!

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Fashion Show

Presented by The Madly and Ultimat Vodka

at Tabaq Bistro

1336 U St. NW

Washington, DC

(Seating at 7:00 PM)

Please arrive on time so we can get everyone seated and start the show on time. The earlier everyone is seated, the sooner you can see the new Wolf vs. Goat threads and The Madly bags. Also, the sooner we start, the sooner we can get to popping bottles of some of the finest vodka in the world, Ultimat Vodka!

We can't wait to see everyone out this evening looking their best and thank you in advance for your support! In the meantime, please check out our sponsors' websites below, and support them for helping us out!

The Madly Leather Bags

TheMadly.com

Ultimat Vodka

UltimatVodka.com

See you tonight!

DON'T FORGET: WVG FASHION SHOW TOMORROW NIGHT!

We just wanted to remind everyone that tomorrow, Thursday, September 23rd, is the Wolf vs. Goat fashion show!

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Fashion Show

Tabaq Bistro

1336 U St. NW

RSVP for this event is closed, however, you can click here for info regarding the after party

If you RSVP-ed for the event, try to get to Tabaq before 7:00 PM as we will start seating promptly at 7:00 PM with the show starting at 7:30. The show will feature models from The District's very own MLS team, DC United, who will also be sporting bags from The Madly:

TheMadly.com

Afterwards, we will be heading to Josephine on Vermont Ave. (between 15 and K) where we will have the Gold Room reserved to ourselves, as well as bottles of some of the finest vodka in the world from our amazing sponsor, Ultimat Vodka:

UltimatVodka.com

Wolf vs. Goat clothes, great leather bags from The Madly, and Ultimat Vodka? You really shouldn't even need a reminder...

PRZman

(posted by Payman)

"It's not easy being a man." Truer words haven't been spoken. We have to deal with a lot of bullshit in our daily grind, and every now in then we get too caught up with eating raw steaks to think about dressing well. So what happens? You end up sitting around all day eating steaks naked. Well, not anymore.

Introducing PRZman.com, the new lifestyle website we are excited to be a part of...

PRZMan.com

Launching soon, PRZ (itsnoteasybeingaman.com) is going to be the place to get all the advice you need to live a better (read: more badass life).  The website will be your manly source for lifestyle info, spanning important topics like sex, activism, and of course, fashion.

Speaking of fashion, guess who will be PRZ's style consigliere? Our very own, Mauro Farinelli, that's who! Who better to tell you about fashion than a Muy-Thai boxing, knicker wearing, shit talking MFer like the Mauro? No one! PRZ and Farinelli's were made each other.

Mauro's got more style in 3/4 of his pants than you do in your entire outfit.

Right now, PRZ's splash page is up, so fill in your email to get the latest updates that will help you make a meal that will impress your friends, learn about a new exercise to get you ripped, and find the latest gadgets men (and the women you are trying to impress with them) care about. Oh, and did we mention that Wolf vs. Goat will be featured on the website, potentially in "giveaway" fashion? Because the only thing better than WvG is free WvG. That's right bitches, shoot them a comment on Facebook/Twitter, a random follower will be awarded a free WvG shirt, courtesy of PRZMan.com!

With that, you probably want to know how you can go about getting your free shirt, and we don't blame you. Start by going to Facebook and "liking" PRZman, and then hop on over to Twitter.com and follow @PRZ_man. When they're doling out great advice on their Twitter feed like, "remember that the girl you are with is somebody’s sister. And he’s perfectly capable of kicking your ass," how could you not follow along?

WVG AFTER PARTY AND ULTIMAT VODKA

(posted by Payman)

To everyone who has RSVP-ed for the Wolf vs. Goat fashion show this Thursday at Tabaq Bistro--THANK YOU. The response has been tremendous and we are already at capacity. If you weren't able to RSVP in time, don't fret, we have after party info available for you!

Wolf vs. Goat Fashion Show

Send an e-mail to RSVP@wolfvsgoat.com to RSVP for the after-party at Josephine!

The after party will be at Josephine located at 1008 Vermont Ave. in NW (between 15th and K). The exclusive gold room will be taken over by Wolf vs. Goat, and we're going to have one of our favorite local DJs, DJ DeepSang, on tap spinning only the finest beats for us to get down to.

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Fashion Show After Party

Josephine

1008 Vermont Ave. NW (between 15 and K)

Washington, DC 20005

We are also really really really excited to announce that Ultimat Vodka is sponsoring the show!

UltimatVodka.com

Ultimat Vodka is the Patron of vodka, and I'm not saying that because they're both made by the same people. It's the only vodka in the world that's made with both grains and potato, creating an ultra smooth flavor unlike any other we've ever had (and trust us, we've had a lot of vodka). We really recommend you click that link up there and check out their website to learn more about Ultimat Vodka, because it's going to be flowing at the after party!

In short, you're going to want to be there, and we want you to be there too, so please RSVP at RSVP@wolfvsgoat.com if you are interested in coming! Please note: if you already RSVP-ed for the show, you will be given a bracelet at the show to get in and do NOT need to RSVP again. Those of you who didn't get to RSVP for the show yet can RSVP at the e-mail above to get on the list at the club.

We are so excited for Thursday and can't wait to see everyone!

DELAY

Hello! We just wanted to give you a quick update in regards to the new markdowns we were scheduled to have today, Monday, September 20th. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen issues on our end, we will be unable to mark down items today; however, we promise that they are coming very soon and you will be saving tons of money before you know it!

We thank you for bearing with us and invite you to check back on the blog later this week as we will be posting information soon in regards to when the new markdowns will go live!

COMING SOON: NEW MARKDOWNS

Start piling up your pennies, kids, because we've got deep markdowns coming to you this Monday, September 20th, 2010!

All brands whose names don't have a "wolf" and a "goat" in them will be marked down again this Monday. The discounts will be deep, and the savings will be big, so you don't want to miss out.

Everyone have a great weekend, and make sure you are on your computer Monday morning so you don't miss out on any items you are looking for! Tell your friends... Or don't, because they probably wear the same size as you...

WOLF VS. GOAT SPRING '11 FASHION SHOW

We are unbelievably excited to announce the Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 fashion showcase next week at Tabaq on U street! If you are in The District, you should definitely come out!

Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 Fashion Show

Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

Rooftop of Tabaq Bistro

1336 U St. NW
RSVP FOR PRIORITY SEATING AT:
RSVP@WOLFVSGOAT.COM

The big show will be next Thursday (9/23), a week from today, at Tabaq Bistro on U street. If you haven't been to Tabaq yet, then you have been missing out on some really good food, and a really amazing view on their glass-enclosed rooftop. Speaking of which, the show will actually be on said glass-enclosed rooftop! We're especially excited about our special guest models: the players from D.C. United that modeled our Spring '11 Lookbook! If you haven't seen the lookbook yet, click here to check it out online!

Please note that press, buyers, and photographers will get priority seating at the event, but the venue is pretty big and the show will be broadcasted on TVs throughout, so you could be at the bar downstairs and still feel like you have a front row seat. If you are a member of the press, buyer, or photographer, and want priority seating, PLEASE RSVP BY TOMORROW!

A sneak peek at the new Wolf vs. Goat clothing, good drinks, an amazing view, and players from D.C. United? Why wouldn't you want to come? There will even be an after party, the details of which will be announced at the event itself.

In the meantime, if you have Facebook, and we know you do, because everyone has a Facebook, we'd love you for life if you went ahead and "liked" Wolf vs. Goat's brand new page on Facebook! Click below to check it out. It's bare now but it's going to be the place to find all Wolf vs. Goat related info including info on the fashion show next week!

Wolf vs Goat on Facebook!

Click here to like our page and get all the updates including news on the fashion show and future collections!

We hope to see you next week!

FASHION WEEK: ROBERT GELLER SPRING '11

(posted by Payman)

I've been all about Robert Geller's collections ever since he won GQ/CFDA Best New Menswear Designer Award in 2009, and his Spring 2011 collection that he just put on display in New York is one of the highlights of fashion week...



If you haven't checked out the show yet, click below to see all the looks on GQ.com:

Click here to see the entire Robert Geller Spring 2011 show

There's a lot I like about Geller's collection for Spring '11. For one, he's still doing a great job with the fit and washes of his skinny jeans:

The fit is perfect. Skinny, but not nut-huggingly skinny. No one needs to see your male camel toe (also known as camel tail or moose knuckle). 

While we're on this look, note the layering that's going on. While I may be talking out of my ass on this one because I can't really feel the fabrics in person, I am willing to bet that both the sweatshirt underneath the trench and the coat itself are lightweight versions of their Fall/Winter counterparts. Always remember that if you keep the fabrics lightweight, you can layer in the slightly warmer months just as much as you would in the middle of January when you're layering to survive.

I also really like that Geller is doing a couple of great looking cropped jackets:

Cropped jackets are totally my jam. I'm not so much into cropped pants, or cropped haircuts on girls, but cropped jackets? That makes me want to say yay-errr. The bottom look looks especially versatile. That is the quintessential everyday spring jacket.

Check out the rest of his looks on GQ.com and then swing on over to ValetMag.com and check out the impromptu interview they did with the designer. It's always insightful hearing what they were thinking when they were designing...

ValetMag.com - The Impromptu Interview: Robert Geller

THE MADLY

(posted by Payman)

One of the best things about fashion week is learning more about new collections, and we recently discovered an absolute killer of a bag line called The Madly. They're showing their Spring '11 collection in New York right now, but we thought we'd take a look at some of their Fall/Winter 2010 stuff because quite frankly, it's off the chain, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've felt it was necessary to describe something as "off the chain."


Introducing The Madly bags, if you don't know about them already, you will know about them soon:

I am madly in love with these bags (pun 100% intended) because the creators have taken the time to add all the details you and I actually care about. That means bags that are functional, made by hand from the finest materials, and incorporate nice little touches like brass hardware.

The bags are unlined, instead relying simply on the leather to bear the bag's weight. This appeals to manly man in all of us. Lining is for your girlfriend's Vera Bradley bag (yuck, look for a blog on how much I hate those bags). We are men, we built skyscrapers with steel and brawn, we don't need no stinkin' lining.

I also really like The Madly because their lookbook features one of the coolest lookbook photos I've ever seen, even if I don't totally get it:

So much is going on in that picture. For one, the mask kind of jumps out at you. It looks like it was stolen off the set of a Rob Zombie movie (which is a compliment). Also, why is this man wearing that mask to run around the snow? And where is his shirt? Finally, how can I get one of those bags? Whatever is going on here, please, more of it.

And what would any Farinelli's blog post be without a reference to Wolf vs. Goat? We are really excited to announce that we will be featuring The Madly's bags in Wolf vs. Goat's Spring 2011 showcase! What? You didn't know we were doing that? Well you'll have to keep reading the blog for the deets, then...

FASHION WEEK

It's the most exciting time of the year in the fashion world: FASHION WEEK!

We are right in the middle of fashion week now, and all of our favorite designers are rolling out their Spring 2011 collections. A lot of the goodies (Band of Outsiders, Robert Geller, Rag & Bone) have already had their shows, and you can follow all of the action (and make your early wish lists) at GQ.com:

GQ.com coverage of Mercedes Benz Fashion Week

Check the blog early and often this week as we will be posting our comments on the shows that we are feeling, and we're also hoping to have some interviews with designers on the inspirations behind their Spring '11 collections!

Cheers!

BE A BETTER FAN

(posted by Payman)

Football season (also known as the greatest time of the year) kicked off last night in New Orleans, and that got me thinking about how you can be a better (read: more fashionable) sports fan...

It's very easy to look like a douche bag when cheering for your favorite team. Case and point:

Regardless of what color base coat you've laid down on your skin, it's hard to not look like a jackass when you're covered in paint (and talking in a voice like you're doing your best impression of Christian Bale's Batman).

Jerseys aren't much of an improvement either, as you can see below:

I also get this sad over ill-fitting clothing.

Unless you plan on wearing NFL-approved shoulder pads with your outfit, or your body is built so that it can fill out a size 60 jacket, you're probably going to look like you're swimming in your football jersey.

So how does one look good while supporting their favorite team? Stick to the basics. That means basic oxfords in your team's colors. Oh, and guess what--we happen to carry Wolf vs. Goat basic oxfords in a myriad of colors! Was this not-so-subtle plug planned from the beginning of this blog post? You will never know! But yes, it was.

If you're stupid like me, and for some unknown reason you decided to start liking the Atlanta Falcons a long time ago, you'll look fresh on Sundays while throwing things at the TV and shouting obscenities in the Wolf vs. Goat Candy Apple Red oxford:

Wolf vs. Goat Before Dinner Oxford in Vintage Washed Candy Apple Red

$175

Maybe you're from the Baltimore area, and the Joe "I only need one eyebrow" Flacco to Anquan Boldin/TJ Houshmazilly connection has you thinking Super Bowl? Support your birds in the blacked out black licorice WvG oxford:

Wolf vs. Goat Before Dinner Oxford in Vintage Washed Black Licorice

$175

What if you are a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan (you would be the only one) who wants to celebrate the old creamsicle pirate jerseys of old? While these jerseys were worn by some of the worst football teams in NFL history (including the first team to ever go winless), they were always the best at looking the ugliest. See for yourself:

You can emulate this... unique... look with the washed peach buttondown:

Wolf vs. Goat Before Dinner Oxford in Washed Peach

$175

Is the color exactly the same? No, but who the hell would want to dress up like a creamsicle pirate anyway?

To see all the colors of shirts available, click over to ShopFarinellis.com and pick one to wear on gameday! And if we are sold out of your size, shoot us an e-mail at info@shopfarinellis.com to see if we can snag you a shirt!

CLICK HERE TO SHOP THE ENTIRE WOLF VS. GOAT COLLECTION ONLINE

HEADS ON WALLS

(posted by Payman)

Sometimes doing something awesome simply isn't enough. Sometimes you do something so incredible you have to display it for the world to see and admire, like when my friend Mike D. ate two and three-quarters Chipotle burritos (a world record that still stands in our circle of friends) and got a tattoo of two and three-quarters Chipotle burritos on his back.

....Ok, he may or may not have done the latter, but you can imagine how sick it would be if he did. Now just imagine how sick it would be if you didn't actually kill any animals, but people thought you did. Why would they think that? Because you've got a goddamn antelope head on your wall.

Whoooaaa, what?! What does Chipotle and its deliciousness have to do with antelope heads on walls? Well, nothing, but I got tired of trying to think of an exciting way to introduce this blog post, and I'm really, really hungry. I feel like I could break Mike D.'s Chipotle record right now, but that's neither here nor there.

The point is, today we're talking about Restoration Hardware's new cast resin horn and antler wall decorations. Why? Because your home should echo your inner-manliness.

Restoration Hardware Cast Resin Horn & Antlers

Available at RestorationHardware.com (click here to purchase)

I was pretty damn excited when I read about these on Uncrate.com a couple of days ago. You see, blog readers, I'm a pretty busy guy, so I haven't found the time to cross "kill an antelopes with my bare hands" off my to-do list. Let's not even get into the fact that I wouldn't even know how to go about accomplishing the aforementioned feat. I don't know if antelopes are aggressive animals, but something tells me those horns would come in handy in a fist fight with a Payman.

Luckily, now I can just mount this sucker on my wall and make up an elaborate web of lies about how I went to Africa and lived in the wild for seven days with a guy named Rafiki. This is exactly like the time I told my friends I went on vacation to the beach for a week when I really just stayed home and photoshopped myself into a bunch of postcards from Florida. Why? Because the only thing more exciting than actually doing it, is pretending you did it.

THE WVG ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT

(posted by Payman)

If you haven't checked out the Spring 2011 Wolf vs. Goat preview lookbook, click HERE and get ready to be wowed!  One of the pieces we are most excited about is the collection's one piece bathing suit. It's so good, it deserves a blog post all to itself...

Why did people ever stop wearing one piece bathing suits? When did we start trending towards baggy board shorts that make us look like little kids rather than men? Nothing says "I'm a real man" like a one piece bathing suit, and if this picture of DC United midfielder, Santino Quaranta, from the WvG Spring '11 lookbook isn't proof, I don't know what is:

Wolf vs. Goat Spring 2011 Lookbook

Sure, you could make the case that the sleeve tattoos and the look on his face like he is ready and willing to put his foot in your ass are actually what's badass about that picture, but I'm going to go ahead and say no, it's definitely the swimsuit.

It's not just Santino that is badass in the swimsuit. Check out our fearless leader giving the sample a test run at Thrillist DC's rooftop pool party:

Yeeaahh, no one was supposed to be swimming in the pool, but don't tell that to Mauro--the swimsuit had turned him into a rebel without a cause. 

Be on the lookout for this swimsuit when it hits ShopFarinellis.com in a couple months, and in the meantime, check out what we have left in WvG stock by clicking the link below:

CLICK HERE TO SHOP WOLF VS. GOAT ONLINE

WOLF VS. GOAT SPRING '11 LOOKBOOK

The wait is finally over! We are absolutely ecstatic to reveal the Wolf vs. Goat Spring '11 collection, as modeled by players from The District's very own, DC United, is done! Check out the lookbook below.

Wolf vs. Goat Spring 2011 Preview Lookbook

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words so I'll save the babble and let you click the link above to check out the lookbook! We are really happy with how everything came out and we want to thank everyone involved included the men of DC United, Luis and Kat Aragon, the amazing husband and wife photography/make-up duo, and their assistant, Damion Miller.

Please check out the photos and let us know what you think about the Spring '11 collection! We love feedback! And if the photos wet your appetite for some Wolf vs. Goat, swing by ShopFarinellis.com and cop cop cop some shirts/chinos!

CLICK HERE TO SHOP WOLF VS. GOAT ONLINE

HAPPY (EARLY) LABOR DAY!

Labor Day is this coming Monday, and that means it's your last chance to do a lot of things. Why? Because society says so.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Make sure you don't forget to rock your white jeans, because after Monday, it won't be white pants season anymore, and you don't want to be caught committing a faux pas, unless you are a badass and wear white jeans whenever the hell you want. On a separate note, I bet you never thought you'd read the word "badass" and "wearing white pants whenever you want" in the same sentence.

Monday is your last chance to dress in all white like you're waiting for someone to spill something on you.

Labor Day is also technically the end of cookout season, although I'm not going to come to your cookout and tell you you can't enjoy your PBR and hot dogs. This is America, and it's always PBR and hot dogs season. 

If you really want to throw one last banger of a cookout though, this weekend is a great time to do it. Make sure you read the Farinelli's Guide to Cooking Out if you've forgotten all of our ace tips:

Click here to read The Farinelli's Guide to Cooking Out

Most of all, be grateful that you're allowed to wear white pants and cook out this weekend, and it's all because of the amazing servicemen and women of the U.S. armed forces! If you know an active or retired member of the military, make sure you thank them for their sacrifice!

REQUIRED READING

(posted by Payman)

At Farinelli's, we enjoy our reading. If the book is bound in a hard cover leather jacket that smells of rich mahogany, we enjoy it even more.

Although the following book recommendation only comes in a paperback variety, the content is enough for us to make it required reading...

United States of Americana

by Kurt B. Reighley

Available on Amazon.com

Quick props to the guys at Uncrate.com for posting about this book yesterday! Check out all the cool clothes/books/gear they discuss on Uncrate.com!

Come close, so we can tell you a secret: America is the best damn country in the world, and if you don't like it, you can geeeeeeettt out! All excessive nationalism aside, America is a pretty badass country. We invented the cheeseburger, for shit's sake. Wait... Did we invent the cheeseburger? I don't know, but I'm saying we did, and because we gave the world the cheeseburger, you, as an American, need to walk around with a self-endowed sense of entitlement. They owe us.

Now that you're pumped up and loving the U.S. of A, go out and pick up United States of Americana and consider it a handbook to the old school true (red, white) and blue American way. Learn about everything from knitting to straight razor shaving. Of course, this is a fashion-related blog, so it would be foolish of me to not mention the fact that the book explores the roots of American workwear.

If you read this blog, you will probably love the book, so check it out and flip through the pages while sipping on a PBR. America! 

THE MOST F---ED UP MOVIE EVER MADE

(posted by Payman)

Here at Farinelli's, we like good movies. We also really like to laugh. That being said, the movie I am writing about today is neither good nor funny. It's just fucked up. In fact, it's the most fucked up movie ever made. The movie I am talking about is none other than the 1989 abomination, Weekend at Bernie's.

There's nothing good about this movie.

Let me preface this entire blog entry by saying that I have never actually seen Weekend at Bernie's, nor do I intend to see it. Ever. I already know enough about this movie to crown it as the single most fucked up piece of cinema ever created. People who know me know that I have a habit of judging movies before I see them. I named Inception the greatest movie ever made before seeing it because the Facebook statuses it inspired were absolutely ravishing, but that's neither here nor there.

Utterly macabre...

If you haven't seen the movie, good for you. I'll sum the movie up and save you the trouble: two idiots go to the beach, their dead boss washes ashore, and rather than alert the police or, I don't know, the guy's fucking family, they proceed to parade his dead corpse around town. Not only that, but they feel some obligation to take the rotting body to swanky social events, like pool parties, and wine mixers. The premise is almost as disturbing as the music in the trailer.

Speaking of the trailer, to illustrate how distasteful this movie is, I'll point out some especially disconcerting parts from it, and by some parts, I mean the entire thing is pretty effing awful. Please note the generic late 80's/early 90's beach movie soundtrack:

 

It is absolutely terrifying how little effort it takes Asshole #1 to convince Asshole #2 to go ahead with his plot. You could probably make an entire movie based on how morally obtuse it is to parade a corpse around town, and this sick and twisted son of a bitch's only reaction is "AWWWW WHERE'S BERNIE!?" You like that? You like how I used the word "obtuse?" Fuck this movie.

Not really sure what is more horrifying about this clip: the psychotic cackle as he shoots staples into Bernie's scalp, the fact that for some reason these idiots brought the corpse to a cocktail party, the woman who is apparently a necrophiliac, or the dramatic, "doesn't anybody realize he's dead?" face. Seriously, how the hell did this movie ever get made? Better yet, who approved the sequel? 

The worst part about this movie is the fact that it planted an idea in someone's head, like in Inception, the greatest movie ever made (and the first movie to ever receive that title before ever being seen by me). You know how they say when people see something in a movie or video game they go out and imitate it? Well, prepare to lose your faith in humanity:

 

Wow. Not only is this movie sick and twisted, it's inspiring the idiots of the world to go out and reenact it. 

Don't watch Weekend at Bernie's and definitely don't watch the sequel. Don't even talk to anyone named Bernie, dead or alive. Go watch Inception, Leonardo di Caprio's in it. Ever heard of him?